You have no idea how much I can relate to your story. “Fawning” is something I also have had to work on in therapy, and something that is still so difficult to overcome. The way survival is learned as children has so many lasting impacts as adults. Still, I am so sorry to hear about the awful comments you received. It says so much more about them than it EVER could about you. You’re amazing🤍
Logan, I love to read everything you write. This one was very important to me because I went through the same thing. It’s horrible and it’s just so hard to get rid of it. This hurts so much that I avoid thinking about it. Thank you for opening up about this and writing such an important message.
And, just like you, I’m also working on this because of my kids. I hope we can learn how to stand up for ourselves so our daughters (our sons as well, but especially our daughters) can learn to stand up for themselves as well. ❤️
I am not surprised by the comments here that so many of us find this story so relatable. When my mom told me she didn’t step in when my dad hit us because she thought that was his role as a father. I believe she was being honest.
Organizing my childhood home was my way of pleasing my family. It got me noticed for being “good”, but I often wondered if I had a different childhood if I’d still end up being a home organizer. I liked it because I had a sense of control, I made a space look and feel peaceful. 2 things I didn’t feel in my home.
I got certified as a parenting coach because I needed new tools and re-parent myself. It only made sense that I brought my knowledge in parenting into my organizing work because I was afraid for the kids, the ones who hasn’t been taught the skills to clean up and couldn’t meet their parents’ expectations. I was afraid an organized kid’s room I worked on only with the mom would become a source of friction because her child couldn’t keep up with the systems they didn’t help create.
So while 15 years of therapy has done a lot of good. I know I can look at my survival instincts in the face and say “thanks, I got this, you can sit this one out.” My inner-child still show up with every young client I work with, hoping that I can help bring out their confidence and courage I didn’t have when I was their age, to not tidy up to please me, their parents, or anyone else. But to do it because it feels good to take care of a space they feel safe and belong.
I relate to this soooo much!! Everything you’ve said is what I did/still do. I hate conflict always have, I’d always break down into tears. Now I still hate conflict but I’ve learnt to stick up for myself more. Especially with my dad, now I don’t take any of his shit. I still break down in tears after we argue but I still stand up for myself. It definitely took a lot of work. With my mom on the other hand, It’s a little harder for me to say anything. The amount of respect I have for her won’t let me 🫣.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through all of that with your dad in your childhood and now are dealing with the comments from your in-laws. I understand how crushing it can be. I also understand it’s harder to stand up for yourself when you don’t want to cause any conflict especially if you’re afraid of the term your therapist used ‘ rocking the boat’. I know you’ve mentioned about wanting to stand up for yourself, I promise you, it will make you feel so much better after a while. At first is it daunting because you don’t know how that other person is going to react but when you’ve done it once and realised it’s not as scary as you thought, it will get easier. You never know, your in-laws may just not realise how much their words are hurting you and when you tell them they may apologise. I really hope you find peace with everything and that things with them get easier for you. I really do, if you need anything I’m always here, only a message away ❤️❤️
This means more to me than you know. 🤍 I think I’m slowly realizing just how deeply ingrained that fear of conflict is in me, and how much of my life I’ve spent trying to keep the peace at the expense of myself. I love what you said about still crying but standing up for yourself anyway.
I’m really proud of you for getting to that place with your dad, and I completely understand what you mean about it being harder with your mom. There’s something so complicated about standing up to the people you love and respect, especially when you’ve spent your whole life trying not to disappoint them.
Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone in this. And thank you for being so incredibly kind and offering to be there for me. That means so much. ❤️
You have no idea how much I can relate to your story. “Fawning” is something I also have had to work on in therapy, and something that is still so difficult to overcome. The way survival is learned as children has so many lasting impacts as adults. Still, I am so sorry to hear about the awful comments you received. It says so much more about them than it EVER could about you. You’re amazing🤍
Lauren, thank you for sharing. I am sorry that you also have gone through similar experiences 🤍 sending you the biggest hug!
I can relate to this, and reading helped give context to my own tendencies I hadn’t put together before. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Thank you for reading Leah, I am sorry that you have felt similar though. Sending your love and strength 🤍
Logan, I love to read everything you write. This one was very important to me because I went through the same thing. It’s horrible and it’s just so hard to get rid of it. This hurts so much that I avoid thinking about it. Thank you for opening up about this and writing such an important message.
And, just like you, I’m also working on this because of my kids. I hope we can learn how to stand up for ourselves so our daughters (our sons as well, but especially our daughters) can learn to stand up for themselves as well. ❤️
This means so much to me. 🤍 I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this too.
I am proud of both of us for working on the hard things 🤍
Thank you ❤️
Ugh you know I myself am still working on sticking up for myself and “rocking the boat”so I have zero advice other than you’re not alone. 🤍
I am not surprised by the comments here that so many of us find this story so relatable. When my mom told me she didn’t step in when my dad hit us because she thought that was his role as a father. I believe she was being honest.
Organizing my childhood home was my way of pleasing my family. It got me noticed for being “good”, but I often wondered if I had a different childhood if I’d still end up being a home organizer. I liked it because I had a sense of control, I made a space look and feel peaceful. 2 things I didn’t feel in my home.
I got certified as a parenting coach because I needed new tools and re-parent myself. It only made sense that I brought my knowledge in parenting into my organizing work because I was afraid for the kids, the ones who hasn’t been taught the skills to clean up and couldn’t meet their parents’ expectations. I was afraid an organized kid’s room I worked on only with the mom would become a source of friction because her child couldn’t keep up with the systems they didn’t help create.
So while 15 years of therapy has done a lot of good. I know I can look at my survival instincts in the face and say “thanks, I got this, you can sit this one out.” My inner-child still show up with every young client I work with, hoping that I can help bring out their confidence and courage I didn’t have when I was their age, to not tidy up to please me, their parents, or anyone else. But to do it because it feels good to take care of a space they feel safe and belong.
I relate to this soooo much!! Everything you’ve said is what I did/still do. I hate conflict always have, I’d always break down into tears. Now I still hate conflict but I’ve learnt to stick up for myself more. Especially with my dad, now I don’t take any of his shit. I still break down in tears after we argue but I still stand up for myself. It definitely took a lot of work. With my mom on the other hand, It’s a little harder for me to say anything. The amount of respect I have for her won’t let me 🫣.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through all of that with your dad in your childhood and now are dealing with the comments from your in-laws. I understand how crushing it can be. I also understand it’s harder to stand up for yourself when you don’t want to cause any conflict especially if you’re afraid of the term your therapist used ‘ rocking the boat’. I know you’ve mentioned about wanting to stand up for yourself, I promise you, it will make you feel so much better after a while. At first is it daunting because you don’t know how that other person is going to react but when you’ve done it once and realised it’s not as scary as you thought, it will get easier. You never know, your in-laws may just not realise how much their words are hurting you and when you tell them they may apologise. I really hope you find peace with everything and that things with them get easier for you. I really do, if you need anything I’m always here, only a message away ❤️❤️
This means more to me than you know. 🤍 I think I’m slowly realizing just how deeply ingrained that fear of conflict is in me, and how much of my life I’ve spent trying to keep the peace at the expense of myself. I love what you said about still crying but standing up for yourself anyway.
I’m really proud of you for getting to that place with your dad, and I completely understand what you mean about it being harder with your mom. There’s something so complicated about standing up to the people you love and respect, especially when you’ve spent your whole life trying not to disappoint them.
Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone in this. And thank you for being so incredibly kind and offering to be there for me. That means so much. ❤️
Awww 🥰🥰 thankyou that means a lot to me ❤️ you’re right it is extremely complicated. No need to thank me at all, it’s what friends are for ❤️🥰
Thank your for your support Kevin